Brief Encounters
by petite etoile22
Summary: The past and present never really leave each other. A Harry and Ros friendship.


Harry wonders if it's because he's seen her die, that he knows who she is. That time has refused to alter her for him because in his eyes, she's always that scared little girl begging for his comforting presence. The first time he sees her, they're on an op in Paris. He has no idea what they're doing there but orders were given and they followed. She was sitting on the edge of a fountain, staring into its abyss completely unaware of the world around her. Her hair is lighter, nearly white as if she had been punished for cheating death. She gives a sad smile and he knows who she is thinking about because he knows that smile all too well, he's given it all too often. Harry shrinks back into the shadows when she gets up. It's instinct more than anything, but he can't deny an underlying sense of protection as well. If she saw him she wouldn't be able to let go of what she's lost. She wipes a stray tear from her eye and hurries off down an alley, unwittingly walking away from her past for the second time. Harry strolls over to the fountain and drops a single water lily onto the pool's surface. It a ritual of his; to visit people he couldn't save. But he can't believe it's been a year since her death already, and he knows that she will never be able to believe. The worst thing of all is that her work was her life, her only source of self worth and happiness. And she would never be able to get that back.

"_There is no such thing as happiness, only lesser shades of melancholy"_

The second time he saw her, it was Christmas and Regent Street was sparkling in the dark. Her hair is shorter and the grief is still present in her eyes. She hasn't moved on, hasn't found the courage to fall in love, to be human. She's pulling a small, elegant suitcase behind her and its only then that Harry takes in her uniform, stifling an urge to laugh. She's an air hostess and it makes perfect sense. No need to settle down, lay roots, and if anyone wanted to find her they'd have a hard time tracing someone who spends most of their time 50,000ft in the air. She stumbles and he restrains the urge to help her. She has to do this by herself. After all, the woman he knows is dead and the last time he checked, corpses didn't need that much help to pull a suitcase. She manages to catch herself and he nods; she was always able to land on her feet. He realizes that this could constitute as stalking but he wants to know that she's alright because as much as he wants to; he can't to the same with Ruth. It angers him, and he can't understand what makes women sacrifice themselves, what makes them unable to walk away. Ruth would've gotten a slapped wrist, and Ros would've found someway to twist events so that her betrayal became an act of heroism. She's made a mistake and looks back, only just missing Harry head before running past him retracing her steps like Gretel and her breadcrumbs, lost and alone in the big, scary forest of the real world. It's only when he gets on the bus that he notices the addition to the contents of his pocket. It had been a drop and a good one at that. Ruth does that sometimes, nothing as risky, but he finds postcards in bills and trinkets in his milk bottles. He carefully unfolds the thin piece of paper and smiles at the words.

"_Gratitude is the memory of the heart"_

The third time he sees her it's because she's asked him to. Not for any need of her own, but as a favour to an old friend. It seems that the world of ghosts is a smaller world than his own.

"She didn't want you to see her like that. She wanted you to remember her as she was, as the woman who loved you"

"Was she in pain?"

"No. She had drugs for that"

"How did you find her?"

"I didn't. We bumped into each other in Venice and it went on from there. Dead drops, secret meetings, coded emails… the usual. I take it we weren't traced then."

"Malcolm might've found something but if he did, then it's long gone"

He stares at her long and hard and wonders if her hair could get any whiter. Even in her grief she looks happier, but Ruth always had that effect on people. Always saw the best in people and showed it to them so they could see it too.

"You will take care of yourself won't you Ros?"

"… When we were born, neither of us thought we'd have the privilege of dying twice. It's Astrid by the way"

"Pardon?"

"My name, it's Astrid Söderberg"

Rosalind Myers is dead and the elegant blonde standing in her place is Astrid Söderberg. She's reminding them that they have to walk away after this. But not right now. Right now, they stand in their bubble of protection and mourn the loss of the woman who saved them both from despair. Ros wonders if this is what the end of the world will be like: past and present coming together in perfect harmony to the point where not even death can stop people finding each other.

"Goodbye Harry" she whispers, and by the time he turns around she's gone.

"_For it was not into my ear that you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul"_

The fourth time he sees her, it's because Connie has pointed her out. And Harry can no longer fight his urge to help her because protocol doesn't work when someone is being bundled into a car. He manages two feet before Connie pulls him back. He's consumed by anger now. She took risks for him, enormous risks which she didn't have to take. She could've buried Ruth by herself safe from risk of discovery but she contacted him because she felt it was more important that he say goodbye.

"I can't abandon her Connie"

"Harry, we did that three years ago"

"It wasn't the same. We weren't condemning her to certain death"

"She'll be alright"

"Even you don't believe that Connie. I don't care what you think I've been given a second chance. A chance to make up for Bill, for Ruth, for Zaf"

"I've known you too long Harry Pearce. You won't give up until you've followed this ridiculous notion through, so just be careful"

Harry couldn't help but think about his promise to Ruth and was overwhelmed by emotion. The next time he sees her, it wasn't really part of his plan and when he does, he wishes he hadn't. It had taken him over two weeks to find the safe house and her captors had been very busy. He shuffles forward and she shrinks further back into the shadows in shame.

"I leaked Harry"

"It probably won't make a difference. You've been retired too long"

"I still leaked Harry"

"It doesn't matter anymore"

"Yes it does. I've betrayed the team again. Zaf didn't break…"

"Zaf was killed after 8 days"

"…Do you like birds Harry?"

"Birds?"

"Joanna once told me that she went bird watching with her dad. I never did anything like that but one of the embassies we stayed at had a menagerie. It was full of exotic birds; like a living rainbow… I remember finding a little mockingbird with an injured wing. They wanted to put it down but I stamped my feet and screamed as six year olds do"

"What happened to it?"

"I tried my best but it died. It died a slow and unnecessary death. Would you inflict that on someone Harry?"

He knows what she wants but he can't give it to her, not after what happened to Jo. She has to live through this because he has to save her; she's his second chance. And when the team break in and save the day, and after he manages to smuggle Ros out to safety, times stops and he can think. He should feel good, he should feel like the hero he is but he doesn't. Because deep down, he knows that Ros was right. She isn't Jo, or Bill, or Ruth; she's the little mockingbird on the floor of the cage and he can't help but feel that he's condemned her to a slow and painful death.

"_It is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one."_

The last time he sees her, he nearly doesn't recognize her with her chocolate brown hair. She smiles at the man coming over to her and he's glad that she's found love and trust again. He watches as her gentle giant picks Ros up and places her gently in the wheelchair. There are some aspects of the past which she will never be able to hide but it doesn't bother her anymore. Harry notices the bundle in her arms and his grin got wider. Connie was right; Ros did always land on her feet, sometimes better off than before she fell. He doesn't know what possesses him to do it but after all they've been through he doesn't think protocol applies anymore.

"Astrid!"

"Harry!" she replies with a smile. He jogs over to her and is introduced to her new life. Her third one the last time he counted. She's married now, to a pastry chef called René with a little girl called Aimée.

"I'm so happy for you"

"I heard a lot about you Mr. Pearce. Thank you for looking after my wife"

"Sorry, but you were a father to me" she blushes.

"Don't worry. Just promise to take good care of her"

"I will"

"Where do you live now?"

"Kensington_, le quartier français_" she answers in a perfect accent.

"I'm so pleased for you"

Ros hands her daughter over and sends her husband on ahead. Her years in espionage have not failed her and she knows that something is very wrong.

"What's going on Harry?"

"Nothing, it's just that you look so grown up"

"So, it's bad"

"It's nature"

"You mean its cancer"

"Yes"

"Are you happy? Are you happy how everything has panned out? How your life will end?"

"Yes, I think I am"

"_Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed."_

The last time Ros sees Harry, he's the happiest he's been in a long time. She knows that he's just an apparition because she buried him over an hour ago. She can't deny it felt nice to stand alongside the team again, but it was a different kind of nice. The sort of nice that you can walk away from without feeling like your world's about to end. They're different now, she's different now and that's okay with her because if she's honest with herself, she was always different from them. He comes and sits next to her on the wooded bench and looks out over the cemetery.

"For a figment, you look awfully real"

"Dreams have that habit"

"Yes, they do"

"What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to walk away"

"You're a wise girl Rosalind Myers"

She shivers.

"What's wrong?"

"Someone's just walked over my grave"

"Do you miss her?"

"Who?"

"Rosalind"

"Sometimes. When the pain gets too much, a part of me wishes that I had that Ice Queen ability again"

"But at the same time a part of you doesn't"

"Exactly. Can I tell you a secret?"

"What?"

"Rosalind was scared. But I think a part of her wanted to die. I think, I think she had done all that she could do in this world. She wanted to leave but she didn't know how. So yes Harry, I miss her but I know she's happy now"

"Everyone's happy"

"Everyone's happy"

"Goodbye Rosalind"

It was nice to hear her real name one, last time. It gave her closure.

"Goodbye Harry"

"_We shall find peace. We shall hear angels. We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."_


End file.
